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04:45pm 08/02/2011
there was a decorated general with
a heart of gold, that likened him to
all the stories he told
of past battles, won and lost, and
legends of old a seasoned veteran in
his own time

on the battlefield, he gained
respectful fame with many medals
of bravery and stripes to his name
he grew a beard as soon as he could
to cover the scars on his face
and always urged his men on

but on the eve of a great battle
with the infantry in dream
the old general tossed in his sleep
And wrestled with its meaning
he awoke from the night
to tell what he had seen
and walked slowly out of his tent

all the men held tall with their
chests in the air, with the courage in
their blood and a fire in their stare
it was a gray morning and they all
wondered how they would fare
till the old general told them to go home

He said:
I have seen the others
and I have discovered
that this fight is not worth fighting
I have seen their mothers
and I will no other
to follow me where I'm going

So,take a shower, shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
you are young men you must be living

Take a shower, shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
you are young men you must be living
go now you are forgiven

but the men stood fast with their
guns on their shoulders not knowing
what to do with the contradicting orders
the general said he would do his own
duty but would extend it no further
the men could go as they pleased

not a man moved, their eyes gazed
straight ahead till one by one they
stepped back and not a word was said
and the old general was left with his
own words echoing in his head
he then prepared to fight


go now you are forgiven
go now you are forgiven
go now you are forgiven,

go now you are forgiven
go now you are forgiven
go now you are forgiven,

go now you are forgiven
go now you are forgiven
go now you got to be got to be got to be here
Months of not updating and you get a bad Castlevania pun. Yup, that's all you get.   
06:51pm 03/07/2010
  What is livejournal? Nothing but a miserable pile of secrets!?  
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07:34am 03/04/2010
  So Deftones have a new album coming out next month on the 4th. This is the first release from it. Rocket Skates.

I work here.   
07:53am 02/04/2010
mood: cheerful
Just like the title says ladies. I work here. As in the website posted below. Not as in on this post. I do not get paid to work inside the internet. Oh man. Inside the internet. Can I be blue Tron? I wanna be blue Tron! Side tracked. Anyway. This is my job. It's ultra awesome.

In other news, with the exception of never knowing how I'm gonna pay for gas until I get my first check things have been pretty awesome. There's still a ton of people I need to see soon. I'll make my rounds soon. Maybe I can get a bunch of people together to do something. That would make visiting much easier.
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I wanna save the world and I don't want anyone to know I did.   
09:01am 14/03/2010
mood: contemplative
Disclaimer: I don't expect anyone to actually read this. If you want to fine, but it's more so just me keeping track of my thoughts. You know, like a journal.

I find myself disappointed in the state of a lot of things. But I also find myself extremely happy about a lot of things. I've become a fan of understanding balance and accepting that there's good and bad in all things and all people. I guess my biggest goals right now all lead to self development. I've planned out the next 28 years of my life. I know that's kind of weird, but I definitely left room for error and welcome the expediting of this plan. School is a first step, however there's a chance that I could enroll in a PD first then go to school while I work. Personally I'd like to have the schooling first to give myself an edge. That's probably the biggest... well definitely the biggest part of the 28 year plan. I've also considered taking psychology along with criminal justice. I don't think it's enough to just stop events as they happen, but I feel that even criminals deserve to be understood. Perhaps there's even cases where the criminal needs more help than the victims.
I think there's two major components in making a bad cop. The first is a lack of understanding. I'm sure most cops go in it because they want to be the good guys, which is great. But without an understanding for your opposition I believe judgment can be clouded. It becomes "Us and them" "Good and Bad" and where there was a gray line at first becomes absolutely black and white. And once it reaches that point the old saying of "Absolute power corrupts absolutely" comes in. An officer at that point begins to lose a level of reason. Thus making beating a man half to death acceptable in their eyes, because said man was a "bad guy."
The second part is attachment. If you're still reading at this point you're probably thinking, "What the heck is wrong with this guy, you should be attached to things." And to that I ask, "Should you?" Officers become too attached to a situation, an event or even just their lifestyle in general. People need to remember no matter what your job is, your uniform does come off at some point and you go back to being John Everyman or whatever your name might be. Attachment creates a personal connection to everything that happens which makes you react to it differently. For example, let's say a cop is arresting some teenager for tagging a giant dick on the side of a dry cleaners. Cop arrests kid, kid spits on cop, cop takes it as a personal attack on his manhood, or his position or whatever he relates it to and then pops the kid in the face with a mag light. Still good to be attached? Same situation. A cop who understands his place and what he's trying to do. This cop arrests the kid, kid spits in this cops face, this cop ignores it, puts the kid in the car, wipes the spit from his face and writes the kid another ticket to tack on to the defacing ticket. Why would this cop act differently? Because he detached himself personally from the situation. He knows that said kid spit a cop, that kid didn't spit John, or Hank, or Bob. He spat a cop. It could have been you, it could have been any man in uniform. It's not a personal attack. I believe attachment blurs that line.
Which brings me to my next point. This is one of many things I'm working on inside myself. Realizing something isn't necessarily ridding yourself of it. That part takes work. I'm seeking to understand before I judge. I'm making myself understand that statistically both good and bad things are gonna happen to me and not because I'm Viktor, but because I'm a human being. Of course that doesn't mean I'm just gonna sit back and let things happen. I'll ever push myself in what I feel is the right direction, but I can't dwell or take personally some of the bad things that come my way. Mom has a sort of infinite wisdom about her. I have a hard time telling her to her face how much she's influenced my life, my way of thinking. But even this is inspired by her. She once told me to "Put it in a bubble" if there's something I'm worried about, if there's something I'm scared of, if there's something I'm angry about "Put it in a bubble." I suppose this is my psychological breakdown of that.
Anyone still reading? I'd be surprised. Sometimes I just need to get my thoughts in writing to clear them up or to give them meaning for myself. You know, kind of like a journal. (On going joke? Probably not.) But I guess that's it. /logout
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12:51am 14/12/2009
mood: contemplative
Not that it's anything new, but I can't sleep. Perhaps it would be too dramatic of a double entendre to say "Justice never sleeps." But at times like this all I really think about it getting through school and starting police academy. When I think about it, it kind of surprises me that it took me this long to decide what direction to take my life. It really seems like it's been in front of me for a long time and I just never really thought about it.
I know I don't really talk about what's going on in my life, but I touched briefly on an event on my facebook that happened a few weeks ago. The night started not really any different than any other day in Los Angeles. The bus had to stop and wait for the ambulance because a woman (I think it was a woman) HAD to put on her make up while riding the bus... And as Murphy's law would have it, she stabbed herself in the eye. I mean like hard. Like the bus hit a bump and it was like "When Pencily met Eye Bally." But as far as I was concerned that wasn't the exciting part.
Once the bus got going again and I was finally at my stop, which just happened to be in a less than wholesome neighborhood, I stepped off to a guy running and looking behind him. My eyes just kind of instinctively followed his head and I noticed he was running from cops. (Totally unrelated: STFU Ryan Seacrest) *Ahem* Anyway. First thought is "Holy shit, I should grab this guy." Looking back, probably not the smartest decision, but I never claimed to be a genius. So I reach out to stop the guy and one of the first take downs I learned in Aikido just kind of came back to me even though I haven't done it in years. >.> (Explanation: You pretty much grab a person at two points on their arm and turn them in a circle while twisting/pulling forcing them to kneel and then lie on the ground to avoid their arm being broken.) Unfortunately I didn't exactly asses the area around me and I didnt' really have the clearance to take him in a full circle and I ended up slamming him into a brick wall.
At that point the two officers hurry and cuff the guy. I thought I was gonna be in HUGE trouble for getting in the way so I just kind of start to walk off and one of them yells "Hey!" I'm pretty sure I was moments from shitting myself at this point and I'm like "Uh, sorry, it was instinct." He replies "You ever thought about being a cop, that take down was CLASSIC!" I thought for a second and came to the conclusion that it's never once crossed my mind. So I'm like "...Not really." Then the other cop was like "You should."
And I mean, honestly I was totally pumped up. I mean it felt right. It felt like I was really good at something. It felt like something came naturally and just flowed from me. So here I am now. Talking to Terri about getting my financial aid stuff taken care of and starting School for criminal justice in the fall. The fall is a long way away. I can't wait.
Too make this post EVEN LONGER... No one is reading at this point so I'll just keep going for my sake. Sam and I were at a bus stop late one night not too long ago. (Note to self: Bus stop = Crime.) So anyway, there was this guy being really loud and verbally violent with this older lady. Supposedly she insulted his flowers or something like that. At first I wasn't going to step in mostly because there's a thin line between protecting and oppressing. So seeing as how it was just verbal I decided to just watch in case I was needed to step in. After a few minutes the lady starts to walk away and the guy starts to follow her. At this point they're heading towards a kind of shady out of view area so I figured it's about time to do something. No sooner than I get to a full standing position and start to head their way the guy notices me, stops, and walks the other way. I didn't even have to do anything. I wasn't sure exactly what happened there, but Sam's take on it was that guys like that aren't used to having the opposition of people standing up to them.
It really seems like the wind is giving me a little nudge in the right direction. I know some of my friends aren't going to agree with the path I've chosen. I completely understand though. There are a lot of bad cops out there. But there's a lot of bad everything. I mean there's bad bakers, or bad paper boys. But even more importantly there's a lot of good. I mean no matter how much bad there is, I like to believe that there's more good. I wanna be one of the good guys. And I sure as hell wouldn't mind getting pay and health care for being one. So that's it. That's the three to four year plan.
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Every now and then I find something so irritating I just have to reply.   
09:50pm 13/11/2009
  The Post (in strictly platonic on craigslist.)

Looking for WHITE Dork under 35 - m4m (Rancho)
Date: 2009-10-19, 2:27PM PDT
Reply to: pers-h2mwt-1428729207@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Looking for a WHITE dorky geeky guy UNDER 35. When I say dork and geek I mean guys that like video games, computers, education, snuggling up to shows like : Heros, Fringe, Bones, Glee, Castle, ect.

So if you exist and want to snuggle up to Heros tonight, hit me back

I am 6'2 187 built masc ath clean cut educated homo

Pics for trade

The reply:

(plə-tŏn'ĭk, plā-)


Of, relating to, or characteristic of Plato or his philosophy: Platonic dialogues; Platonic ontology.

often platonic Transcending physical desire and tending toward the purely spiritual or ideal: platonic love.

often platonic Speculative or theoretical

You spelled Heroes wrong. Also, racism is just as bad as gay bashing. Flagged.
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I love old asian ladies.   
05:49pm 31/10/2009
  Most awesome bus ride ever. There was an old asian lady and what I'm assuming to be her son. I'm also assuming it was her first time in the states because she was really taken back and excited by the subcultures. There was a punk kid on the bus and she gets really excite and says "Oh wow! You must be a punk rocker, you guys are cool." Her son calms her down saying something along the lines of she just shouldn't talk to random people like that. But both the punk guy and myself let her know it's ok and the punk guy tells her son he should let her have fun. So then she looks at me and goes"Ooooh you must be a emo!" There's a bunch of pastel polo popped collar guys sitting close to use and they're just dying laughing at htis point. The she turns to them and goes. "Oh you guys must be douche-a-bags." At that point everyone in ear shot laughs almost to the point of tears. I'm pretty sure it was the funniest moment of my life.  
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Patrick the veteran.   
11:01am 21/09/2009
  A few months back I had a long conversation with a homeless veteran. We talked about our ideals and eventually he said to me something a long the lines of "No one want's your kind of justice. You keep that up and you'll be completely alone. But that's how you know you're doing what's right." I just chalked it up to him being a crazy, angry old homeless veteran that got bum paddled by his unappreciative country. But I'm starting to worry that he was right.
I feel like the more good I try to do the angrier I get that people don't care. I was petitioning in a less than wholesome neighborhood to make sure they had the right to vote on the location of the power plants CA is going to build. I got nothing against the plants, I just think that everyone deserves a voice. They just didn't care. And not only did they not care, a bunch of them gang up on me to yell at me and tell me things like "I'm not one of them" and "I'm just some kid from the hills" (God knows I'm not nearly well off enough to live in the hills. >.<) And eventually there was a decent size crowd yelling at me and I don't even understand why. I think nigger is a horrible word. But when people carry themselves like that and all they care about is there blunts, bitches and big screen tvs. And they don't care about the world they live on, or even having a voice about what goes on in their neighborhood. You start to understand how a word like that stays in play. By no means am I condemning an entire race, but I am saying that a decent amount of them live up to the stereo types.
I'm not the only one out there, but I really feel outnumbered sometimes. More people should listen to the Beatles.
Writer's Block: Do you see psychics in your future?   
01:42pm 13/09/2009
If an online psychic warned you not to leave home, would you cancel plans to attend a party? Would you refuse to date someone with a clashing astrological sign? In short, do you believe?

I would take out my pokeball with my Gengar in it. Everyone knows psychics are weak to ghost moves.
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Harmony and Trials.   
12:35pm 13/09/2009
  I've had a lot of people disagree with me for being... I suppose stubborn is the best word. But in the case I'm referring to I like to think of it as believing in the good of all people. I think all people no matter what wrong they've done possess great good. I've been wrong by people and I've wronged more than my fair share along the way I'm sure. But it's hard (impossible) for me to give up completely on a person. Perhaps I should go into psychiatry instead of marketing. >.> It's been on my mind all day because lately I've found a great friend in someone that I've been through a lot with, a lot of crazy, rough, horrible stuff. But they've recently went through it too so they really developed an understanding of our past situation. Strangely enough I actually contacted the person because I had a dream about them. And I honestly expected them to just ignore me or have something mean to say. But it ended up being a great conversation. So I suppose the moral of this story is never give up on people. You never know who's gonna be there for you.
I've felt strangely at peace with the world lately. It seems by understanding how small I am I've felt better. I dunno it's weird. I find myself seeing my life from the perspective of someone not living it. Like I'm just kind of floating over myself seeing that every single person isn't really all that big, but yet everyone has such potential. I mean everyone. That bum on the street, the guy stealing purses, the person helping an old lady across the street. They're all the same but so different. They're all capable of the same good for the world. Ok I'd better stop I might be getting a little to crazy hippie for everyone.
I think I miss Mom. Heck, I know I miss Mom. But at the same time it's nice to know that she rubbed off on me to such a degree. I miss everyone. I hope you're all doing well. I'll probably come to visit in the next year. I feel like my siblings are gonna be so grown up when I see them. And so much is gonna be different. I look forward to seeing everyone again eventually.
Aaaand that's about it for my random thoughts. In other more hilarious news there's a guy in the neighborhood that keeps referring to Taek and I as Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. O.o
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Thanks Aeria games.... Bastards....   
07:18am 07/09/2009
  So I was just minding my own business shopping for a new gun when suddenly.... (check the chat box)

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Stick War!!!   
08:05am 31/08/2009
  Someone please make sure Nathan gets this link.


Best flash game ever! I haven't tried the other games, but stick war is epic!
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10:58pm 28/08/2009
  DJ AM is dead. Suck. I'm gonna drop some beats in his memory.  
Le sigh.   
08:23pm 28/08/2009
  I miss my friends. I feel like I didn't hang out with some of them enough before I left. I look forward to seeing them when I visit.
In other news I've been in a pretty vile mood all day. I just can't stop being angry today. I'm so irritable. Not even sure why. Well actually I could come up with a good long list of reasons why I should be. But things don't usually get to me this much.
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10:24pm 26/08/2009
  I'm in a really fucking bad mood so I'm not going to go into details. I let this family use my phone on the bus and in the commotion and the crowd they fucking ran off with it. I need a phone to do my fucking job. I can't hire people without a fucking phone! I can't organize teams without a phone so I have no freaking idea what I'm going to do. Katu if you're reading this can you call and cancel my phone. I don't want them racking up charges. And if anyone with Katu's number is reading this can you call her and tell her to read it. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. Jesus fucking christ. I don't fucking deserve this. I spend my days doing right by people and doing my part to help and this is the fucking thanks the universe gives me.  
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09:13pm 25/08/2009
  So... I got my own branch! For those of you that don't know I just started working for a petitioning organization based out of Glendora, CA. I recently talked to the owner about opening up a Los Angeles branch seeing as how LA is like the home of activism and all that good stuff and he gave me the project! So basicly I need to start interviewing and hiring people. If anyone wants to move to Cali now is a good time. I can hire you. ^_^ I'm way excited. I think I'll start with hiring 10-15 people and then once I get more accustomed in a month or so I'll keep it around 25ish.
So yeah... I'm ultra stoked. Mostly because I'll be able to pay everyone back finally. >.> And by everyone I mean like 2 people. >.<
I have a meeting with the owner Thursday to talk about details and probably to get me set up with all the things I need. Way cool. I'm so stoked I could fly to the moon.
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I'd rather be hated for honesty than loved for lies.   
11:45pm 14/08/2009
  It bothers me that the world feels they need to comfort people with lies, or lie for whatever reason they need. But in the comfort of closed doors the truth comes out. How do you tell someone you worry for their well being, or you care for them in one way or another then behind their backs just talk about all sorts of mean crap.
You don't have to like a person, thing, place or whatever. It's ok to dislike or even hate something or someone. Gee willikers, just be open with the people or things you don't like. Granted SOME things need to be handled with a level of diplomacy, but only some. Even then you can dislike things with that same diplomacy. Instead of calling someone a fat fuck, lazy lying cunt behind their back. Just say you don't like them because of their lack of volition, poor health choices, and all around bad attitude. Boom, problem solved.
So in the end honesty is still the best policy after all these years.
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12:31pm 01/08/2009
  Oh bugger... I have to learn how to use photoshop. >.>  
12:29pm 01/08/2009
  I just got banned from a vampire forum today. >.> I called a mod a lolpire. At least they were informative about vampire back ground stuff.  
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